I Don’t Know What To Say

I Don’t Know What To Say

by Brittany Conyers 

    Day after day
    Lying in bed
    Crying my heart away
    I’m tired
    I’m drained
    Ready to surrender my pain.
   
    I’m done with this game
    I will never be the same
    I live in shame
    Still I sustain.
   
    Pain and suffering
    Blunt force trauma to my head
    Reminiscing the past
    Wondering why I’m not dead
    These thoughts sink deep
    Like contusions
    The essential question why me?
   
    How could there be so much hate
    Staring back at someone
    Who deserves so much love?
   
    The mirror is my enemy
    We can never agree
    Others get to be perfect
    And then there’s me.
   
    I try to dress nicely
    I look ugly
    I try to put on makeup
    I look even uglier
    I wear my natural hair
    It looks a hot mess
    I’m nice to others
    I get trampled on
    I have no purpose
    I feel dead.
   
    I know I shouldn’t care
    If people like me
    But often I wonder
    Why they don’t
    I want to believe
    I’m beautiful
    On the inside and out.
   
    I feel so overwhelmed
    Sometimes I can’t breathe
    I want to breakdown
    But can’t express these
    I’ve been trying to “move on
    But what does that mean?
   
    I feel so lost
    So disconnected
    So isolated
    So anxious
    So ugly fat huge like a beast.
   
    I’ve been broken down
    So much
    So hard
    By a world that’s afraid
    Of the greatness I can bring.

 

 

Brittany Conyers is an undergraduate student majoring in Sociology. She enjoys engaging in conversations with her peers about topics that are often forgotten or ignored such as race, class, and sexual assault.